Monday, November 14, 2005


I like to think of myself as a pretty level headed guy. It usually takes a lot to make me "go off". My sister tells me every once in a while that I'm too "kind" or something to that effect. It's a good thing that we've been pretty busy lately and that we haven't seen each other in a while, otherwise she would be telling me to calm the hell down... or something to that effect.
I've been on a short fuse lately. I blow up at people, so far I haven't blown up at anyone I know, though that's really not an excuse.
Just recently, I exploded. I got into a fight. I had thought I left all that behind me. What makes it even worse was that I was the one who started it, I was the one who refused to let it go and I was the one who hurt another human being.
I don't like seeing myself like this. It brings up too many memories of a past that such violence was all too common and tolerated. Helpless to stop it, unable to even speak out against it because survival depended on it.
I am finding myself "stepping out" at work quite a bit lately. I've been getting very good at counting to ten. I know my boss has noticed it, enough that he has taken me aside to ask if I was ok. What a reversal, I'm usually looking out for him.
After that fight, I'm more aware of keeping it under control but the reason(s) why I "exploded" still exist.
Well, this was fun.


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