Making another left
In high school, I wanted to be a mechanic. I wanted to work on cars -- hotrods and muscle cars (thanks to R.G. Canning -- anyone remember his car shows?). That never happened...
I had a plan, I had a route that I was going to take.
Many of my friends tell me that they also had a route and that for the most part they have kept to it. They all ended up finding the wife/husband, having a kid/kids, the job/career they went after in college (some from "junior high")... All according to that "plan".
How do they do that?
None of my plans ever worked out. Life changing events have always occurred outside of my planning. I never planned on spending 4 years of my life in limbo, who does? I made the decision, but I never planned for it. I never planned on becoming a teacher, it became a passion when given a taste of it. I never planned on saying goodbye to my youngest sister -- well, no one plans those things.
For as long as I can remember, I've been reacting to events that defines how I live my life. I have not been able to take a more active role in the navigation. I found a passion to teach math at the high school level, so I made plans and worked towards that end. I was finding a niche in the church I've been calling home, so I became more active, invested time and energy to help in it's growth. I was hopeful in a friendship I thought I could build upon and made a leap towards building a relationship out of it. My life had leveled and the direction seemed so clear, I started to make plans. I did not want to be too optimistic so I thought a 3 year plan would be a small enough step...
I now teach 4 classes at a college (digital imaging and web design -- no math), I am attending another church, the friendship's progression has flatlined and I no longer make plans other than where to have dinner.
kahit na ano
I had a plan, I had a route that I was going to take.
Many of my friends tell me that they also had a route and that for the most part they have kept to it. They all ended up finding the wife/husband, having a kid/kids, the job/career they went after in college (some from "junior high")... All according to that "plan".
How do they do that?
None of my plans ever worked out. Life changing events have always occurred outside of my planning. I never planned on spending 4 years of my life in limbo, who does? I made the decision, but I never planned for it. I never planned on becoming a teacher, it became a passion when given a taste of it. I never planned on saying goodbye to my youngest sister -- well, no one plans those things.
For as long as I can remember, I've been reacting to events that defines how I live my life. I have not been able to take a more active role in the navigation. I found a passion to teach math at the high school level, so I made plans and worked towards that end. I was finding a niche in the church I've been calling home, so I became more active, invested time and energy to help in it's growth. I was hopeful in a friendship I thought I could build upon and made a leap towards building a relationship out of it. My life had leveled and the direction seemed so clear, I started to make plans. I did not want to be too optimistic so I thought a 3 year plan would be a small enough step...
I now teach 4 classes at a college (digital imaging and web design -- no math), I am attending another church, the friendship's progression has flatlined and I no longer make plans other than where to have dinner.
kahit na ano
posted by Angel at 1/12/2006 03:04:00 PM
2 Comments:
I think you and I are at the same place. Figuring out the future is less important because the control factor is elusive. I've felt more adrift today than I've ever felt. But I still feel alive, inspired in so many ways by Laura's passing. I think I still wrestle with the future, but instead of thinking about it as being a long time from now, I think about it as today, living in the moment and wrestling with my daily goals as if I was already in the future I expected.
What I just wrote sounds bizarre. Anyway, have a great weekend cuz!
how bout plan on some more golf with me :)
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