I gotta stop already

I have been very selfish of late. I am not handling Laura's death as well as I let everyone believe. I've been trying to put up a "brave" face here and there and come to realize that even by myself I still have that face on. I have been short with some people (sorry) and I've been pretty distant with my family (I'm really sorry). I had my meltdown of sorts last week Monday, I really thought I could hold it together until after the burial. Now, with all the delays with the burial, obligations at work and school, a personal crisis I created and to top things of, I start my first real teaching gig in a couple of weeks... *KA BOOM*
I'm sure I haven't gotten it all out, I doubt if I ever will. I do think that the worst of it is past (I hope) and I think I can be a source of comfort to everyone now even as I continue to mourn. I think my sister would have wanted me to be a source of comfort. I've caused enough strife for this family and I am not ready to give up on them just yet.
I just need to stop being angry. I miss Laura.
But I'm also miss talking to my parents and Celia.